The world has to be going to hell!
I’ve been given fair warning – their words, not mine – by Publisher’s Clearing House that if I don’t shape up and begin answering their e-mails that I can be guaranteed that I will not win $5000 a week for life; not only that, but I won’t be allowed to name someone else to win $5000 a week for their life. In other words, I’m not only a dumb sumbitch, but I’m also cruel and uncaring about others. If that isn’t a blatant attempt to touch on all my emotions, I don’t know what the hell is. There was a time when I played their silly game. It reached the point where they told me that someone with my first and last names, living at my address, would be the winner. Of course that didn’t turn out to be true – damn, they must have a huge legal staff to cover their collective asses on this stuff – so I figured “Fool me once; shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” and I stopped answering their queries. I guess the next step will be some attempt at threat or perhaps we haven’t run the emotional gamut quite yet. If they really begin to lose all interest, I might just hop back in for a while to restore their faith in the stupidity of mankind.
Next, I want you to understand just how important a personage whose egocentric, esoteric, and asinine writings you are now perusing. Here’s how it goes: First, I received a letter from Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid of East Bumfuck or somewhere else. When he had the audacity to address me as “Dear Fellow Democrat, I became irritated, write back, and said, “Harry, you got the wrong guy, buddy; I’m Independent and always have been.” Harry didn’t reply. Then I went up the chair. Joe Biden wrote and used the same salutation. I figured Joe wasn’t going to answer my mail anyway, but his plea was the same as Harry’s; “Send money to save the Democratic Party and protect us from those terrible rich Republicans.” To be quite honest, I though Joe overdid it a bit; didn’t even sound like him; I’m betting that his wife wrote the copy. Now, the next letter…well, you’ll see just where the vice president ranks in the chain of command, because the next letter came from the President’s wife. That’s right; am I important or what? I actually received a letter from Michelle. Once again I was addressed as a “fellow Democrat,” but what the hell, she can’t be expected to know everyone in the country by name, so I let it go. She said that she, Sasha, Millea, and the dogs needed my money to hold off the attack from the far right against the all-American Democrats. It was a good letter, well written, and showed her collegiate education in the best of light.
Today, however, was the topper. You guessed it; right on target. I received the letter from the man himself. Yep, Barry wrote directly to me, his “fellow Democrat.” Wow, how could I help but be impressed to hear from old number 44 himself? He told me that “Congress is broken.” I wanted to say, “No shit, Dick Tracy,” but I wasn’t certain he would appreciate the sarcasm. Then I wanted to say, “If the United States Congress is so broken, what are you and the judicial branch of our government doing to go about fixing it?” I knew that would just piss him off because he has better things to do like going off on fund-raising junkets and talking on the telephone with the heads of state in Europe about ‘Vlad the Bad.” Now I don’t know whether or not the President realizes it or not, but EU countries aren’t going to put too many sanctions on Russia since 70 of their oil and gas comes from Russia. It’s sort of like not killing the goose that’s killing the goose that lays the golden egg. While the Netherlands may be really upset that so many of its citizens were killed by a Russian rocket – c’mon, let’s not beat around the bush here – they also have to consider just how much of a debtor nation they are and that the debt is owed to Russia and how much they depend on Russian oil. Anyone who thinks Putin gives a damn about the rest of Europe and its criticism of him and his nation is living in la-la land…not until the 44th President of the United States.
However, I digress. We were discussing Barry’s letter telling me that “Congress is broken.” I guess it’s not all of Congress that is in the shitter because he then went on to tell me only about the House of Representatives – I’ve always claimed there were too many of those idiots in government anyway – and how ‘they’ “…shut down the government for 16 days and threatened to default on our debt.” He told me that ‘they’ “…blocked equal pay for women and lower interest rates on student loans.” In addition, he said that ‘they’ “…said ‘no’ to fixing our broken immigration system and voted 50 times to repeal affordable health care for millions of Americans.”
The letter from the President was a four-page diatribe about how horrible “…a small, rigid faction of the Republican Party” is and how it blocks progress at every turn.
Okay, I admit that I did vote for you…both times. That doesn’t make me anything other than a voter who thought your vision for what we needed was better than the other guy’s. I addition, it scared the living daylights out of me to think that Sarah was a heartbeat away from the Presidency. But, I have to say that you’ve failed me. You’ve been rather stand offish with people from the other party except in times when you really needed their help. You appear to be a “my way or the highway” kinda guy, and I don’t care for that. Thankfully, the members of the Tea Party are starting to get recognized as the true naïve assholes that they are, but it’s too late. You say that you want to strengthen Social Security and Medicare, “to preserve the benefits we’ve all paid for and earned.” That’s admirable, but if you’re anything like the Clinton’s, who left the White House “Dead broke” – I came damn near close to dying of laughter when I heard that one – you won’t have to be worrying about Social Security and Medicare as you age. You add that you want to “Make the minimum wage a living wage and create good-paying jobs, so that all citizens can attain their own American dreams.” Hey, doofus, aren’t you forgetting something? If you create a situation where wages are higher, don’t you think prices are going to be higher? Working people may be able to afford eggs and butter, but we retirees live on a fixed income and no matter what you do, you can’t increase Social Security benefits enough to make our lives more palatable.
There are all sorts of things you tell us we can do if we just get rid of the Republicans in Congress. Lord, I certainly hope not. If laws are going to be passed just because we have a one party system passing them, it scares hell out of me that they will be as poorly thought out and written as the Affordable Care Act. Then, they’ll get repealed by the next Congress and we’ll be back to square one. For God’s sake, Barry, you and Congress all need to get over yourselves. You’ll serve eight years; Congressmen and women may serve shorter periods of time. You have one single job over the next two years of your term and it isn’t to create some kind of lunatic legacy. Your job, the job of John Boehner; the job of Republicans and Democrats alike is to bring this country back together. Right now it is so fragmented as to be ridiculous. Instead of continuously opening your mouths, you have to shut up and open your ears – no comment because I’ll match you ear for ear…and I’ll win – and listen. I don’t mean you should listen to each other’s prejudiced bullshit. You need to listen to Mr. & Mrs. America. What are their priorities? What will help them to live better…or as you politicians like to put it, “achieve their American dream.” See, when I put it that way, it sounds just as stupid as it does when you politicians say it.
You’ve had your shot, Barry. I don’t want any more letters. I want you, Michelle, Joe, Harry, and your counterparts in the Republican Party to get out there with zipped lips; make no vague promises. Just listen and learn; if not for you, then for America.