Yard sales are a hoot! When the yard sale season happens – it’s usually in the fall – it’s time for a wife’s revenge on her husband. How do I figure that? Very simple; if he’s going to be watching football all day, she’s going to spend his money on someone else’s junk. Three quarters of the fun of a yard sale is watching the folks who do the shopping. They fall into a variety of categories.
The first category of yard sale shopper is the “planner – the person who drives around during the latter part of the week, searching for signs announcing yard sales. She might also consult the weekly shopper or some other newspaper because those who can afford to pay to advertise their yard sales are usually where the “good stuff” is. This means that as the “planner” prepares for the weekend assault, she has already drawn a map or has printed a local area map from the computer and has marked each sale…according to quality, of course. The planner knows exactly what she’s search for…she needs to replace something that she sold at her yard sale with something that will look better. The planner is as specific in her search as she is in the map she has carefully prepared. Look out for the planner, for once she has found what she’s looking for, she will become a fierce negotiator. This is the person who could give the FBI tips on hostage negotiation. Unless you are an experienced yard sale seller, you will not get close to the price you are asking once the negotiator has unleashed her skills.
A second category of yard sale shopper is the “holiday bargain hunter.” If what you have to sell has all of its parts and doesn’t look too used, the hunter will pick it up as a gift for a distant relative or for the Holiday Party – can’t call them Christmas parties anymore; must be PC – where they have one of those “auctions.” That’s where everyone draws a number and, in order, picks a wrapped gift. There’s always some sucker who didn’t obey the rules and stick to a five, ten, or fifty dollar gift, and brings in the thing everyone covets. Of course, since number one not only gets the first pick but also the last, the big prize goes to the person who thought they were getting short changed in the first place. It’s complicated, but you can figure it out. Should the holiday bargain hunter accidentally stumble on a prized gift, he or she always receives a few back slaps and “attaboys” from the staff. While the gifts are supposed to be anonymous, there seems to be an information highway of some type to expose what gift was brought in and by whom. I never could figure that one out.
The third category of yard sale shopper is the “lookeloo.” The lookeloo has no intention of buying a thing. She was out shopping with the kids; saw a sign that said “Yard Sale” or better yet, “Estate Sale” and just had to swing by. The problem with the lookeloo is that while she’s looking at nothing in particular, the kids are running around like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off and raising holy hell for the poor yard sale sponsor. Should the lookeloo actually purchase something from the yard sale, it’s more likely to be something for one of the kids, which will cause an uproar and require that she buy something to please however many other children happen to be with her at the time. A word of advice to the lookeloo…”Take the kids home and go back; it will save you money in the long run as well as a modicum of embarrassment.”
Another yard sale groupie is the “socializer.” She knows the folks who are running the yard sale, and attends for the express purpose of just having a good time. All too often, however, there is a more devious motive: “I wonder why they’re getting rid of that?” or “I never saw that in the house,” or “What a bunch of junk,” or anything else that you might possibly be able to concoct with your own nasty mind.
The old expression, “One man’s junk is another man’s treasure,” can also apply to yard sales. When we moved to Westwood from Newton, we did, in fact, have a yard sale. We made all of the mistakes first-timers make. We priced high when we should have priced low and vice versa. We put out everything we had for sale simultaneously rather than creating a display of goods and then adding to it on a timely basis. We didn’t negotiate well and, in retrospect, experienced yard sale buyers took us to the cleaners. We sold an Oriental rug that was probably still worth thousands for a hundred bucks. I remember becoming so frustrated with one woman that I just wanted her to go away. “How do I know all the pieces of this puzzle are in the box?” she asked. Being wise beyond my years, I replied, “Because I did the puzzle last night and counted each piece as I put it back in, just to make certain each of the 1,500 pieces was there.” She accepted the answer, if you can believe it – did you ever complete a 1,500 piece puzzle in one evening; better yet, did you ever count the pieces as you put them back in the box? Then she wanted to know why I wouldn’t sell her two puzzles for the price of one, “…just to get them off your hands.” I told her that the prices were the prices and that’s how things were going to be. After staring at the puzzles for about half an hour, off she went, empty-handed…just another trouble-making lookeloo.
The final type of yard sale visitor I’d rather not even mention is the crook. Unfortunately, there are people who will try to steal from the yard sale. Even if you put up a sign that said, “All proceeds go to breast cancer research,” it doesn’t matter. We had a couple of thieves at our yard sale. They stole some books; one even grabbed a couple of puzzles. It wasn’t worth chasing them or calling the police. I’d rather just let them go and hope that their own guilt catches up with them.
I admire people who can conduct yard sales and keep their sanity. My neighbor has one every year. She seems to enjoy it. Her husband helps…until football starts…and the kids are out there. However, I’m willing to bet that when the day is done, and the sale is over, a good, stiff drink tastes pretty darned good. Enjoy the sales.
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